Okay, I just need some advice. I kind of fell off the "be calm and polite" wagon last night and basically told W that I was absolutely sick of her having S around dudes she's hooking up with. I had checked out the guy in particular on FB and was definitely not shocked that he was about the opposite of her politically (which she argued with me about being different), he's not a decent person, and he doesn't seem to mind being rude and profane when leaving reviews for local businesses. Heh. I told her an attitude like that wasn't healthy to have S around (basically). Either way, I feel like I really messed up by saying anything at all.
I think that I'm just panicking and feel like time is almost up to make anything better. It's like she wants to be friends, but only barely because it benefits her in some way, and that's not okay with me. I don't want to be used. I don't want to be her friend. I would absolutely love it if she told me she loves me and actually freaking meant it, but she doesn't. And it's rough.
I plan to GAL, DB, etc. for as long as I can. But I'm really afraid here, and it's driving me crazy. Please, if anyone has anything that would help...I could really use reassurance right now, motivation, or anything to let me know that I'm not crazy and that this may still be fixable. I know that the D is probably going to still happen. I was hoping it wouldn't. I don't think I'm avoiding it. But I feel pretty lost right now.
