I've been doing a lot of 180 and detaching. We had not had a meaningful conversation in a week. Some texting in regards to the kids. Neither of us have brought up divorce in our exchanges since last weekend. When I talk to the girls, I call my daughter on her phone.
I'm seeing a counselor, and I realize that I've made a lot of mistakes in our marriage and I love my wife dearly. However, I'm focused on being the best me that I can be. I've continued to diet and exercise. I've lost 18 pounds in 6 weeks. I'm actually in the best shape I've been in 10 years. I got rid of DirecTv and Netflix, so I don't watch any TV. I'm getting a lot of rest. I'm reading a lot. A lot of Christian resources, the Bible, DR, and other marriage/divorce books. I've visited friends I haven't seen in awhile. I keep my schedule busy. I've started volunteering more. I did volunteer work on Wednesday, more tomorrow and Monday. Sunday is a fantasy football draft. I've been dressing up more, shaving more regularly. Doing a 21 day Be Kind challenge.
The one odd thing that I did was except an invitation from my W's aunt to have dinner with their family and some other of my wife's family members. I've always gotten along well with my W's family, so I thought why not. They didn't know anything about the situation, and I didn't say anything.
The one thing that hurts is that my wife has been exercising and dieting and she looks better than she has since our second child. She looks damn good. That stings a bit to know that I was getting into shape for her and she's getting into shape for another guy, but oh well. Makes me want to get off social media also.
My counselor has been pushing me to keep hope (she said since I was a Christian, I should have hope), so I guess that answers my question. Mostly, the counseling is about becoming a better me, a better husband and father. It's about learning to do things that keep the connectedness, really getting to know my W (or future GF/W), what makes her tick, what stresses her out, how to show interest in her, etc.
Some days are good. Some days are bad. Emotions are all over the map, and I know that it will be like that for months or even years.
