And still struggling 2

[Jim1234]

Nicole, I don't pretend to understand her. I freely admit that I would not have suffered the introspection to understand my part in the failure of our marriage, but it just seems like too little too late. She has told me that. I think you might be right about having made things too easy for her.

As far as different approaches, I tried a number of them between DB and her moving out, and none of them went anywhere. Then I found this the books, and this site, and recognized a lot of those behaviors as pursuing, so I stopped. As far as being too nice to her, someone on one of my earlier threads reminded me that the ultimate goal was to reconcile, and being nice seemed to be a better way to do that than being antagonistic. I'm sure that means I've let her do some cake eating, but that line just seems fuzzy to me, so I've let some things go, which is also a 180 for me. Maybe I'm rationalizing.... I don't know.

I think we're very close to having a finalized settlement agreement, and I am thinking of suggesting that, if she has any interest in working to put our marriage back together, we attend one joint counseling session. But unless she is willing to do her share, I am not really interested. And yes, that's a huge step for me.