My mood has spiraled downward this week. Things have been rough at work and I feel constantly exhausted both physically and mentally. Dealing with pre-teens all day long is stressful and I am struggling to muster the energy necessary to handle them. Things are not going well, and that is leading me to feel worse about myself. I know that I should cut down on the exercise, but those are the only moments of my day that I feel good and present, and allow for socialization.
Noooo don't cut down on the parts that are keeping you sane! We all have those moments where we feel overwhelmed by life's responsibilities, when it happens I just pull back and remind myself that my time here is limited and no one is going to give a flying shitola in 100 years if I left work early to lift weights or if I skipped mowing the yard to work on my art. This is YOUR life!!! Take care of your responsibilities, but REWARD yourself too.
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I talked with my IC today, and he was concerned enough to ask me about getting on meds, but I'd still rather not.
I hear you, I really hate taking any kind of meds. I don't even like taking allergy medicine or ibuprofin. But I did take A/D's for a while, and they helped immensely. After a few months when I was back on track I weaned off of them (with approval of my doc) so it doesn't have to be a long term thing.
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Last night I came home from a (great) bike ride with friends and found a note from the W. It was an attempt to be sweet and thoughtful, reminding me that if I ever need anyone to talk to for any reason that I can always count on her. She called me "beloved, always" as well. It really just generated anger as I have come to see the disconnect between her words and her actions.
Just take it for what it was, a nice note. Don't try to read anything evil into it. You don't have to respond or reply to it, just read it and dismiss it. I see this a lot here where a WAS tries to extend the olive branch and it just makes the LBS angry. That is a huge roadblock to future recon and also to the personal recovery of the LBS. She does something mean, you get angry. She does something nice, you get angry. Detachment is the OPPOSITE of that. She does something mean you are happy. She does something nice you are happy. Because her actions don't matter to your well being. Right?
