Husband left for second time - 7

[Jim1234]

Perhaps the answer is to stop talking about that final glimmer of hope, to suppress it both internally and externally, and to present an image that I've moved on to the world and even to this forum and that is the next step? It doesn't feel intuitive to do that but is that what others have done?

Jim, you say fake it 'til you make it so maybe this is what you're saying. Is that right? I can also try to convince myself that my husband isn't coming back since even getting fired didn't make him stop and think about his life. On the other hand he's still on a trajectory towards becoming closer again. I heard him asking our daughter on the phone how I'm doing. He's been applying for jobs in the Midwest and said "I'm doing this for us, so I can support us." He's been calling more often and he's more like his normal self. My sense is that he's been dating someone again recently but I doubt it's serious or else he'd disappear again or start pushing for divorce again. He hasn't asked to spend the night here, so obviously he's not willing to take any risks, but I'm still waiting to see where he finds a job and decides to live.

Jim, I'll also try harder to keep an open mind and to be honest if I meet anyone. I still don't feel comfortable with dating but if I meet someone where there's mutual interest we could try meeting and talking and see where it goes. It's hard not to have those obstacles because my whole life has been based on sets of rules and limitations that served as a safety net and helped in making the right decisions (except for marrying my husband obviously). It's hard to let go because if I just go with whatever emotions I feel at the moment I might end up with someone who isn't right for my daughter or who will have the same characteristics as my husband. I'll try to let go but not to the extent where I make bad decisions. It's a new area for me. I have no interest in starting over with a new man but I know as time passes I can't depend on my husband coming back.

I will try to find a new counselor and I'll keep trying to get past this point of being stuck. I'll keep everyone posted on how this happens and I greatly appreciate advice from those who've made it past. Thanks again.

Like KitCat said, don't minimize how far you've come. You have been kicked down, but you've gotten back on your feet and all things considered, you're doing well.

And yes, that's pretty much what I mean. Faking it is the external part, and I have made a point of reminding myself of the many ways W was a bad wife. That's the internal part, and it's been helping me tremendously to gain some distance.

I liked what KitCat suggested about dating. You said you've lived your whole life based on sets of rules and limitations.... whose? The were supposed to be a safety net, but that didn't turn out very well, did it? You were VERY brave, moving away, finding a job, getting an apartment, taking care of your D...... Those all worked out pretty well. I think maybe you should take a few more chances. There are very few decisions that you can make that are irreversible. Maybe it's time to rethink some of those rules.