Nic - Don't minimize how far you have come!!!! Give yourself a pat on the back girl!!!!
I think repeated statements like "I'm waiting to see if my H gets a job/where my H gets a job" is why you are still being held back. Detatching and moving forward wouldn't see your self/future dependent on your H for anything. Its like "if he gets a job far away from us... then I know he has hung up the towel and move on". You asked me how I know and your H knows you are still available - its that statement.
I'm not judging you or chastising you. But you need find a mantra and repeat to yourself daily - these are my plans and what I'm going to do - what H does is of little matter to me.
As I said before - they only really want to come back when you have truly moved on.
Nic if he takes a job across the country and then has an epiphany he wants his M - he will move mountains to make it happen. When/where he gets said job should only impact your financial situation and nothing else.
Now, as far as dating... do that when you are really ready. In meantime is it far fetched to meet a colleague/friend for beer or coffee? I think I gave you the wrong impression earlier. I barely dated in High School or College for that matter as I was painfully shy. I had a couple of very serious relationships before I met my current H. I didn't date at all for 3 years when I split from my son's father - I was content with my career and raising a special needs child. But, my 180 in life was making myself say yes more to things that I wouldn't have before, which meant accepting a lot of first dates. You will be surprised what you really learn about yourself when you are willing to put yourself out there. These were very low key dinner meet and greets - no pressure, no strings attached. Just because you go out on a first date doesn't mean you are expected to have some type of commitment in any way. They don't need to know your life story. Just go and have dinner and casual conversation.
I think that you are at the stage considering that there might be someone else... that you are discussing the idea of dating is a huge step in moving forward. You are looking at alternate futures for yourself and that is a huge thing to wrap your head around given how much you have invested in your idea of what your M should be.
