Hey man, I feel ya on the downward spiral! $hit like that happens but the frequency drops over time and you have better times than being down in the dumps. Exercising sounds great and you seem to have a handle on that, but what are you doing to relax and recover? Not sure if you tried meditation or are still doing it, but it has been hands down one of the best things for me for recovery and stress relief. I was having a bad day with knots and tension in my gut after having an interaction with W, and I just took 15 mins to meditate and process the emotions and the physical sensations.
What I learned recently about meditation and why it is so effective is that when you start focusing on your breath, the breathing sends a signal to your mind and body that you are in a safe space. Only in safe spaces do we have relaxed breathing. And that allows the body and mind to release whatever tension it is feeling.
The 15 minutes of meditation allowed me to stop having that queasy sensation in my gut and when I finished, my mental state was more alert and I was feeling positive. I went right back to my work and crushed it.
I am a big proponent of it. My technique is simple, focus on your breath in and out. Any thoughts that come, I just push them out and refocus on the breath. I then pay attention to how my body is feeling and then focus on that sensation as it feels when I inhale and exhale. When I was meditating, every time I exhaled and inhaled, my gut would tremble and it wasn't a clean continuous breath. I focused on that and in 15 mins, I was able to let that tremble go away and become more relaxed. Now I meditate every evening and if I am stressed at work, I take a 15 min break and recenter myself.
Also, you're on point about actions not words. Words are cheap. I don't rely on my W for anything outside of things we need to do for the kids. Take ownership and control of your life completely and it will free you. Let her try and assuage her guilt - actions matter, not words.
