Changed the title on this one. I am detaching more and doing better. I do not know if my detaching more has me thinking my W is doing the same, or if it is just the product of my detachment and that I am not hanging on everything she does any more. Thought about that this week and I think it is the later. W is going to do what she is going to do, what are the odds that she decided to change the exact moment that I am. Almost zero since she hasn't progressed with anything in so long.
I am keeping busy. Working out still very regularly. Concentrating on work more and that is really good. Also focusing on my kids as always and making sure they are on track with being back to school, having conversations and some fun as well.
I am finding that the longer this goes on and the detachment grows, I feel way more distant to my W. I am still pleasant and polite, but I am happier not being such a doormat like I was. I am GAL this weekend. Taking the kids out a few times for errands and for fun. If W goes, so be it.
I mentioned that our anniversary is this weekend. I am not dwelling on it, but it is on my mind. How could it not be? But, I am resigned to do nothing (unless approached about it), no sappy cards or gifts period. I will probably do the casual mention on the day just the passing "Happy Anniversary" to W that day just to recognize it.
Lots of moving parts. Retaining an A today so I can plan, strategize and draw up the paperwork. This will help me feel like I am doing something while I am detaching more and will be productive in opening my eyes to how things may look. I have always been prepared when a task is before me, so doing this is part of my process. I also believe that seeing and going through the items will be good for me as this part is just business (outside of time with the kids and parenting of course) and the nuts and bolts is more in my wheelhouse.
Comments, suggestions, 2x4's etc are always welcome.
In case you were wondering. I still love my W. I still dislike the situation I am in. I want to keep my family together. I am keeping the faith that as long as she is here and we are in the same home, there is a chance. I don't know if the odds increase the longer she is here or if I am just enabling her by providing everything (financial) that she needs while she is preparing in some way for her exit when our lease is up early next year.
No idea. I can't mind read. I can only observe and see. Some days she is pleasant, others cold and distant, others she is just sleeping and not around any of us. She is never affectionate, never flirty, nothing like that at all. We haven't touched in several weeks.
I know I am probably in my head on this, but I feel as I said above that she is becoming more distant as well and that we are just growing apart more and more each day. Is this a normal feeling? Is it the right way for this to go? I know she has to realize and see her fantasy world crumble prior to even the slightest inclination of her looking forward at us as an option.
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
