Im stuck in the headspace of "I cant believe I have to PROTECT myself from my H in ANYWAY. He has always protected me."....
Dont take that statement as me being weak, I just am still very shocked by all of this happening and I really do not want to jump into lawyers and all of these things that I dont even want. I would like for us to be able to talk, but I understand if he is filing, I have to protect myself. I do know that and I will. This is just all a lot.
I am trying to be very confident and strong because I know I dont deserve what he is doing. I do know that. And I have had my suspicions about him seeing someone from one of the bars, considering the OW he took up with originally was a bartender, it seems like his MO for now.
I do not want to go down a rabbit hole of divorce, lawyers, custody, and him and I not even discuss what we truly want. Bc I know NEITHER of us wants it to go like this. Even if we do get divorced, I dont think he wants it to happen this way.
I havent heard from him at all since his text this morning asking if he was watching the baby and i said yes. The one time I kicked him out that I knew he was a mess, he texted me non stop. Now its like he is just angry and doesnt care. Really is an awful feeling.
Putting aside my fears of divorce and custody and all of that, how long could it take for us to live apart before he starts to really see what it is like to be without me? I am curious how I should move forward, fears aside, in continuing to DB and try to save this marriage somehow. Let him go to get him back as Steve said. I wonder if he will miss having us to come home to.
