Wow Arsh, thank you so much. I will have to read through your threads. It is VERY comforting to know someone else is here with such a young child/children.
When I am with her and hugging her I honestly do not worry about my H and all of this stuff. My fear is that in the moments when I do have to share her with him undoubtedly and i am not with her, I will absolutely fall apart. And he knows that. He knows how hard it will be for me to go through a custody battle bc I want us to be a family and I want to be with her all the time and he is okay with us just sharing her 50/50.
I will re-read this entire page over again, as all of the advice is very good. Steve really nailed it when he said if I were to meet and start dating someone and they started acting like my H is right now, would i stay with them. And I definitely would not. I dont really understand how after 9 years this is all of a sudden a side to my husband I have never witnessed.
I just took my work break (I work from home, but my mom has an office in her home so she watches the baby while I work from there, as I am still nursing) and I took my break and drove to my house to grab a few things. His car was at the bar. There are 2 bars he frequents, both on the main road to our house. I told him the other day for the first time that I see his car there daily after work. He said he isnt always drinking, which is definitely true, but why frequent there daily? It is frustrating to me.
And to be there now with all of this going on? He has nerve, knowing how easily I can see that. Kind of blows my mind honestly. He is really in a totally different headspace than me. I am curious if he has done research on filing today, I am sure he has. I can hear all of his buddies at the bar (none of which know me because since this all happened he has started to hang out with people I do not know), telling him "you have rights! Serve her!" blah blah, as if I am even TRYING to fight him on anything.
If anything I was the one saying to him yesterday for us to figure out him seeing her today and he kept saying I was playing games for some reason. I have NEVER played games with him, especially not in regards to our daughter, so I truthfully did not understand why he kept saying that. Sometimes I think he WANTS me to tell him no so he can use it against me. It is SO STRANGE. And i am not giving him that satisfaction. But I also wont be bullied into letting him have her whenever he wants. Like him texting me last night saying "I want her Saturday. All day", he has lost his mind if he thinks thats how this is going to work. And he does that to me EVERY TIME we go through this. And then he promises me he wont do it, and here he is doing it.
I really hope I can stick to giving no reaction if he brings papers to the house tonight. I would love to stand tall and be confident but it is very hard when I feel like my world is about to fall apart.
