You and my support system are the only ones who are seeing my hurt. Everyone else...thinks life is going well for me.
Especially her friends. I don't mope, I don't cry to them. I tell them how life is and that I'm working on fixing it for myself. I tell them of all of the awesome things I was able to accomplish this year and how I'm being a better person for it. W is seeing it and sniffing. She even acknowledged my changes that Monday evening.
Not as much sniffing this week because...she's occupied, but still sniffing and still trying to "help".
I took what DB coach said to heart and felt that I was on the right path when he told me that the convo with my W was a major step in the right direction. Nothing has changed since yesterday but the feelings I'm having internally is gnawing away.
I define the sad clown right now. Laughing on the outside. Crying on the inside.
Definitely did something stupid when I snooped into her phone records Monday. I knew it was stupid and I'm getting burned HARD for it. Not doing it again. Twice was bad enough.
