Can I really do this #5

[Dtrmned]

Sandi,
Thanks as always for your input.
I have always taken pride in the fact that we (I always thought of it as "we" as a team) were able to have the now non traditional luxury of a stay at home mom. I sacrificed a lot of time with them over the years so I could go and do what I do so our family could have that level of support in our home.
She doesn't have to work.
She gets to see the kids way more often than I do.
And presently with her decision to blow up our family, I guess I am a bit envious that she has a great bond with our kids and I am the working dad with the traditional dad role. (The wait til your father gets home threat was used many times).
It usually wouldn't bother me, but this is a new situation. We have always had a joint account where we would pay the minor bills and incidentals out of. Never a question on that. With the situation changing, I have drastically reduced the amount that she has access to while still making sure that our family has everything they need. It isn't so much the usual "I don't have any cash, ask your dad/mom". It is now "I don't work, you know I don't have any money, your dad doesn't give me any money, so go and ask him is the answer". It is not so much the actual situation, just the way in which my W seems to throw me under the bus to them especially if I have to say no since we are fairly tight. AND if I were to be "sure, here you go", I get the sneering look from my W that I am either just doing it to get back at her, or that I'm really making a lot more than I am telling her and just not sharing with her. That is where I have the issues. If it was just the normal part of life and parenting, I would be fine. Example would be the phone thing. It came up since my D had an issue with hers and had to get it replaced. W then just came right out and said "if anyone is getting a new phone its me". Made me laugh a little as in the past I would have jumped at the chance to "rescue" and take care of her problem. So NOT doing that and not reacting is huge for me. But that is why I feel the longer this goes on the more resentment just builds up. Regardless of what I do will be wrong in her eyes. If I say "no" I'm a bad guy. If I say "yes" I'm a bad guy. I am in a no win situation with no end in sight. I am just making sure that I don't react to her comments which are mostly just digs at me and trying to instigate any type of negative response.

Yes, I am a recovering nice guy. NGS hit home hard and I have been that way my entire life. What caused it? Who knows, but I definitely have it and am working on it daily. I am re-reading NMMNG again right now on breaks at work. This will definitely help me in every aspect of my life in all relationships moving forward. Regardless if we D or not, the worst that happens is I know I will be ok. I will have gotten a life. And working through the NGS will make me a better person for the future.

And yes, I recognize that I do put a lot of these issues on myself. I do need to get an IC.