OneArt, you are right. I do not handle limbo very well! I normally need to see things being done, moving along. This not knowing is very hard.
Yes, the expectations are the killer for me. I just don't get how someone can stop caring in such a dramatic way. That is what causes my anxiety because it is something I find very hard to get my head around. It sounds to me like you are saying your H doesn't want a divorce anymore is that correct? And when you say he us in withdrawal does that mean he has stopped replay? How do you know? I think my H is still in replay although I don't have any evidence!
Job, apologies I hope I didn't offend you or anyone. I am just confused as to how to let him go. I have gone months and months with no contact and then I read somewhere that having a little contact helps to let them know you still care. Maybe I need to realise that this does not work and stop going down that cheeseless tunnel!
Yes, I need to get the rubber band out again. It used to help me before.
I just need to stop playing chicken with myself and like you say wait for him to contact me if he wants to. And I need to realise that all the time he doesn't contact me, means he doesn't want to speak to me so I shouldn't feel I have to make the first move.
By the way, thank you so much for linking my old thread! X
Coly .... so I am a bit new to your thread but not new at all to this process. I went through my BD about 5 years ago and reading along the fact you are struggling with "Letting Go" jumped out at me as I am probably the posterboy on how not to let go ... our separation went on for 4 years ... yes ... 4 LONG years. I will tell you this, D does not magically allow nor let you let go either. As job mentioned this MLC process is a lesson on letting go or getting dragged ... I have the road rash to prove it. My advice and the best thing I did was just accept you are where you are, not by your choice but refuse to waste away the years reacting to what he does or does'nt do and apply that energy to things YOU can control ... like making some of those changes that improve yourself. Regardless of what happens you will benefit with a better you after this is all done.
To touch on the part you mentioned "How can a person just stop caring" ... I had issues with that aswell, in my sitch it was 23 years and all the sudden I was just cast aside. I learned through all this the MLCr has this ability to take all that love and feelings they had for us, withdraw them out of our marriage bank and do a direct deposit straight into the Affair account without us even knowing. Somehow this helped my apply some logic to an emotional riddle, the love and feelings were still there I just was not collecting any interest on em.
As far as withdraw, replay and all the stages ... tbh they are of little consequence until the baking is complete and you will know ... in my case I had a nice round with a touch and go that lasted about 3-4 months and right back into replay she went. This MLC thing is no fun for anyone involved hence sites such as this to help us wrap our heads around it all.
