So i have just been so sick and worn down. Everything would just be so much better if i could get rid of this cold.
I took a 2nd job which seems to require a lot of time and aggravation but it comes with flexible hours. Its fee for service, so im not sure that it will be worth it long term unless i switch over as a full or part time employee. Its just nice with a little one to have flexible hours and non evening hours. But i like outpatient work. Its what i know and what im good at. And i have a lot of people that come back to me. Just the evening hours are not easy. I will give per visit a year and then decide if i want to make a switch. I would Be closer to home and have day hours. Which is nice.
NG and i have been doing well. I took some space because of my schedule. He has been great regarding that and he has been offering to help me. Which is just really appreciated. I talked to him about the comments and he said he doesnt have malintent. That he just says things not thinking they are big and he realizes i see them as big. He want to fix things. He wants a relationship with me. He is into donestic stuff like cooking and the house. Which would be good for me cause i need the structure that comes with working away from the house.
I realize i view things as whats in it for me. I will reciprocate but i am not a nurturer unless its for children. So i need someone that is ok with that. I hear people say things like "im looking for a partner that i can do things for and be there for" Or something like that. And i dont know if thats BS. But i know thats not really me. Just being honest. I am loyal though and willing to work as a team mate.
My ex's mom was the type that did everything for everyone. She told me that the trick was she did not allow herself to sit down until 11 pm or else she would lose her energy. She worked full time, had dinner and breakfast for her family and kept her home immaculate. She also helped us with our son when she went down to part time work. She was an enabler and codependent as well. My ex wanted that. He told me directly when i asked him what he was looking for. "I want soneone like my mother" My ex knew i wasnt like that. I dont think he will find a modern girl like that. His mom is also loud and annoying and controlling and dramatic. But she was more the OW in our situation.. Ginger, one year she found out what my son was gonna be for halloween and matched him. I was so angry cause i didnt have money or time to get a costune together for myself to match son. I know its much worse when its OW as opposed to a MIL though. And at least they care and will invest in things that only benefit the kid. I tell myself.
