Get home last night after hanging out with a friend. WW wants to talk. I tell her no, it's too late (I didn't want a worrisome or sleepless night). She tells me yes, so I tell her I'll leave then. She took a couple shots at me, saying I'm playing the victim and that I take care of the puppy better than her. OK.
She gives up. So I go outside to sit and relax. She comes out and makes light convo, crying a little bit at times. Then she goes inside. Then comes back outside. I had a glass of wine, so she goes and gets more. Long story short, she asked me about the counseling she can get - my work has it for free. She tells me she doesn't want to live and feels trapped in a nightmare. She doesn't want me to tell anyone. Most of this feelings is b/c of our marriage issues, but some is from her rape. She drank a lot last night, got drunk to the point of trying to puke. I let her sleep in the bed with me last night.
I did a lot of listening, she did say she wasn't going to act on these feelings, but I'm not sure I believe it. I took the guns out of the house in April, so that option is off the table. She mentioned her feelings of depression had never gone away, just that she was distracted for a while.
There were some other things going on where I was DB'ing, but the focus kinda shifted a bit, at least for last night. I didn't pursue, and she was trying to get me to tell her I love her, but I didn't. Maybe I should have with her feeling low, I'm not sure. She put her hand out for me to hold, but I didn't. She is still w/ OM as far as I know, so I wasn't going to be the H.
I got a file opened for her to see a counselor and she just has to call to confirm and get referrals. Hopefully she does follow through here and get help.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
