Acc...appreciate you checking in on me! am I low? I am for sure frustrated about my sitch, but my day to day outside of my sitch really isn't that bad. to have gone 6 months or so and regressed from BD as time has gone by. it's not like I didn't know this was a marathon, but to have gone only further downhill over time. as I say the realization that W may really just D without trying anything to avert, complete lack of communication even on D, acceptance of how bad my sitch seems is an ongoing process.
From your reasons provided (1) seems to have happened with W. IC has told me I had no way to predict how having a child would effect her, there is possibly an addiction, anxiety and some MLC type stuff related to aging. for me, I have zero experience with any of those issues and so I'm very hesistant to accept them as possible while also somehow accepting those as justification for how the MR got to where it is. it seems a cop out to me to say "oh W was just mental", BUT many folks have told me there are clear markers in her actions to support that belief. did W breakdown? again I fight against that as I don't want to use that as a crutch for my failings in the MR, but again others believe it happened once D arrived. crazy? no, just changed/regressed/rejected the new life presented to us.
(2) my gut says a third party came into the MR in some capacity on W's side. absent factual knowledge, no idea whether I could forgive or not and I compartment away that issue as I don't think W will ever want to R such that I'd need to answer it. (3) could be very much dependent on (1) and would be definitely impacted if (2) was confirmed. the MR did degrade after having D as our focus went to the day to day responsibilities associated with raising a young child. it curtailed our freedom to do whatever, whenever we wanted. I imagine that it was a greater impact on W's sense of losing her old life, personally D coming into our life only made me happier even with the loss of some single/no kids freedom.
what I can say for sure is that I did not willing ignore anything. either there was "code" that I wasn't picking up on or when 100 things are said with equal importance, I was unable to decipher which were the show stoppers and which were the mundane. I don't think either of us put in the effort to push through those drops in communication and if we could not get through them ourselves then we could/should have gone to talk with someone to get us on the same wavelength. best as I can tell though W would not be open to any 3rd party assistance and so that was that. I know I could not mind read, perhaps she saw that lack in me as incompatability.
I know that I did not go crazy, as best I can tell nor did she. the total silence/lack of responsibility from W's side...into that complete void when an LBS is desperately looking for answers to why, the easy source of explanations comes from within and as the time goes and the desperation increases, the LBS willingly/unwillingly takes on more and more blame because that's all they have. I know what you say in the last paragraph is true fact, it's just a huge fight within me to not allow her silence to change my mind.
thanks as always Acc! You've stuck with me through my sitch and I sincerely appreciate your support and concern!
