The bomb woke me up, but she won't talk

[lusa]

Nothing has really changed in my sitch, except we have been out as a family a lot more recently and been getting on a lot better. Things are much calmer and W seems much more relaxed around me. I have had chance to validate a lot more too, mainly about situations that have occurred with her friends and her work which she likes to tell me about.

I feel I am detaching more, I'm now glad there hasn't been any R talk and know I am certainly not as keen to R as I was while I was out of the house. Now I am back home, seeing my kids more and less financial pressure I'm not sure if I really want to R with this woman anymore. I have started to come out of the LBS fog and realise the MR problems were 50/50 and we have both blamed me far too much, she has also broken my trust and been instrumental in putting us through nearly a decade of SSM with very little intimacy. I deserve to be with a woman who wants me for who I am and that will stay faithful to me.

I read this today that Steve posted on Terapin's thread and it really resonated with me. I think if right now she asked for R I wouldn't be that interested in R with her but would just be happy that I was the one deciding that instead of her.

This brings up another dynamic I've seen. Where the LBS is less interested in actual R and piecing as much as they are just trying to prove the can get her back! This is danger zone time. I've seen this with other posters, even some that have gone beyong the point of no return, where they insist they aren't even interested in ever getting back together with their WAS, but their actions and words belie them. You can tell they want validation of an apology, or to see some remorse, or even for the WAS to want to come back, (or at least say they do). Again this is a cheeseless tunnel. It will continue to trip you up emotionally and it will cause you to do and say things that are detrimental to your sitch, to yourself, and to future coparenting if you never get back together.