Hoosjim's 16th. Looks like we're piecing, folks.

[JRuss]

I would be surprised if she doesn't bring this up again in MC or otherwise, and if it does, I would drop the justifications about timing, all of that stuff about you not thinking your relationship could handle it, etc. It's not a good look. You've been lying to her about material financial matters since the dot.com bubble burst, so it didn't just happen contemporaneously with her affair and its fallout, and your justifications -- at least the ones you posted -- gloss over the years of lying and hiding that preceded her affair and make it about her, about what she did to your relationship, etc. Understand that it is in its own way an infidelity and a breach of trust, of your marriage vows, etc. You were a lot better at hiding yours and/or she's just not as adept at snooping so she never figured it out, but there are two big injuries here, not just the one she's known about and has been trying to atone for.

Perhaps getting it out into the open can be a sort of reset, where the two of you can move out of the current dynamic (loyal, more moral LBS vs. strayed sinner trying to make amends) and actually get more quickly to a sustainable, more even playing field. Two wrongs don't make a right, but maybe they make a (better, stronger) marriage?