My Story

[lost8]

Conversation started out slow, actually there was none until she got a glass of wine down. Said she couldn't believe how bad things had gotten with us. I acknowledged her feelings. She said that she had set up an appointment to talk with the therapist that I found for her which is definitely a positive with all of the trauma that she has been dealing with in her present and past, hopefully she follows through and continues.

Played a song about loving a person and being confused and replacing that person because of the heartbreak. She broke down crying saying she does that every time she hears it and had a hard time telling me about it. I showed no emotion and didn't try to analyze the lyrics for her.

This was early in the night and at one point she stood up and kinda wanted to break the ice and asked for a hug which I gave her and it made her cry again. I had been emotionally distant to that point and figured I needed to give her something.

I tried to avoid talking about the OM but she put out some things that had me counter about things that I knew but I quickly backed off to not escalate.

At this point she is halfway through a bottle of wine and she is getting to that point where I know meaningful conversation will not be happening much more. And then things got weird. She said she had a girlfriend coming over to pick up a purse and when she came by she ended up sitting down with us on the deck to have a drink. An hour later as my wife has almost finished her bottle she is ready for bed but her girlfriend is not ready to leave. So my wife goes to bed and her girlfriend stays talking to me.

I then get a call from my wife to come upstairs and this is where I slip up. You know what happens next but I'll skip the details. So I come back down later and her girlfriend is still there, and she wants to talk to me. Come to find out this is the OM's niece and when she overheard his name during the point where my wife and I had some words she wanted to know what was going on as it sounded like she didn't know anything and was a little upset that an affair was going on and that my wife had her come over only to go to bed an hour later. She said she was going to talk to her uncle in the AM and obviously she knows we slept together so not sure how that will play out.

I answered a couple of questions for her girlfriend and she went on her way but I know I took a big step backwards even though my wife was drunk and if I did show vulnerability she would not remember much outside of sex which I know probably gave her the control in her head that she wanted back after 2 good weeks of detachment had been wearing on her.

I'm ready for the tough love guys and know I need to return to the DB'ing that was working and hopefully did not give up too much ground. I am committed as best I can be and will keep looking after me and my family.