Still here. Still not detached... (Part 3)

[Chris73]

Have you ever just told her this is just plain wrong? You're married and should be acting like it or getting divorced?

I've been seriously considering it. I know I can't do anything to change her behavior, but I'd really like to be blunt in our next session and tell her that I don't condone (or agree with) what she's doing as it pertains to the kids and OM. Frankly I think she's being selfish. She wants to include everyone in her life together because it's easier for her. Having to keep our kids and the OM on separate schedules is difficult. But as far as I'm concerned that's what she should be doing. The kids have only been dealing with the "new normal" of living in two places for about 8 months and I think it's too soon to introduce another person into the mix.

You have no formal separation agreement? I see it says nothing filed.

There's no legal separation in our state, but we did write up a formal separation agreement and had it notarized. The underwriter for my mortgage refi required this.

... how do you kids tell their friends that their folks are married but mom dates other men??

I don't know how they handle it when they're not with me. We've told them that mom and dad are not married anymore and are just good friends. Neither of us have worn our wedding rings for over a year. W insists that she and OM are never amorous in front of the kids and OM is never described as anything other than "mommy's friend"...but I don't buy it. My son is smart enough to know that he's more than just a friend.

Have you pursued and let her know you're still interested at all this year?

No, not at all. Our relationship is pretty much reduced to business partner status. We discuss the kids and almost nothing else. All the feelings I have I pretty much keep to myself.

It's a difficult situation to be in. I don't want to get divorced, but sometimes I feel like finalizing the end of the marriage is the right thing to do.