I don't think anyone was suggesting that you divorce your h. I, myself, was suggesting that you need to let go or be dragged under w/him. As OneArt stated, you have to let go the expectations and learn to live your life for you. If he comes around, you can be friendly, but those expectations are killing you. Your anxiety level ramps up when you don't hear from him after a certain time period and then you phone him. Try doing something different. Leave him be and allow him to be the one to call you first. Coly, I know you can do this. Get that rubber band and snap it each and every time you are tempted to contact him. It's time to put that ball back into his court and allow him to sense that you are focused elsewhere on your life and enjoying it. Sometimes, when they realize that we are happy and focusing on something elsewhere...that is when they start to peddle back to us.
Coly, drop that rope, let him go and you, my dear friend, begin paddling to shore. If he sees that you are thriving and living life to the fullest, he just may start contacting you a bit more.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
