Jim, I'm sure that had to be tough not just to tell her but to own it here as well. I'm glad you did, I'm sure it feels like a great weight has been lifted even though the problem is still there. At least it's something you can openly address with your W now.
My XW accrued a huge amount of secret debt. We always kept our bank accounts and credit cards separate and shared the expenses. So I never knew about her CC debt until she told me, and by then she had let is fester for 10 years and it was nearly 6 figures. When I hear her talk about how she felt like she had to "walk on eggshells all the time" I am 100% sure she's talking about keeping that debt a secret. So it may have been a huge factor in her leaving, I think she just developed a ton of resentment over it even though I didn't know about it and wasn't able to do anything to address it until just before she left.
The interest rates on CC debt are just insane, once it starts downhill it can quickly snowball into a huge problem. In that respect I agree with you that the system is against us. The system encourages deficit spending, but punishes us severely for it to the point that it's nearly impossible to reverse.
Anyway I wish you the best and hope your W gets over her anger over this.
