...but anything I did was for us - landscaping, most cooking, household shopping for us and our puppy.
Women are attracted to men that strike a good balance of alpha and beta qualities. It sounds to me like you are very heavy on the beta and light on alpha. That happens to a lot of us in a long-term R and M. Beta is not what attracted her to you in the first place. A big part of turning things around is getting back in touch with who you were when the two of you started dating. You were probably strong, independent and were interested in her but didn't particularly NEED her in your life. Now you are sad, desperate and trying to attract her back by cooking and cleaning and doing laundry. But all of that is very unattractive to her. So get out, GAL, find yourself again. Give her time and space.
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I owned up to this ,but it’s not one sided- she could have tried harder too (she wants me to initiate).
If you haven't read DR please do so. Your W is done (for now), she's not going to try AT ALL. It is completely up to you to put in the effort to try and save things. There's a whole chapter in DR called "It Takes One to Tango" that goes into this.
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I push the vast majority of conversation, and we sleep in different rooms.
Quit pushing conversation on her. Pull back. Do your own thing. Who is sleeping in the master BR? Hopefully you.
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...until she went off that she can’t believe my family hasn’t reached out to her (her grandmother wrote me a nice letter) and it only reaffirms her decision and shows how disconnected we are.
Eh, don't pay any attention to that. They all will bring up the craziest stuff as justification for D. Just listen and validate, nothing more. "You sound very upset that my family hasn't reached out to you, I'm sorry you feel that way."
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She said what are you holding on to let’s sell the house and get divorced.
Tell her you have no intent to sell the house or get divorced. Tell her if that's what she wants then you won't stop her, but she shouldn't expect you to do the work for her.
