Ugh.. AP, Job, OneArt, I can't imagine what you must think of me. After all this time I still can't seem to let go.

You all say I should cut him loose/let him go, but I don't know how to do that without D. I don't want to D so how can I let go without going to those lengths? I've tried going for months with no contact and then I contact him and the cycling starts. I know I should not have expectations but I don't know how to stop feeling so hurt when he does not do something he used to do for me or still does for others. Like the wife if his BF telling me what a lovely birthday present he got her. What could I have done that was so bad that he could treat me like this. This is what I struggle with.

He did this to me last year on my birthday. Not only did I have to deal with an emotional D when she didnt get the results she expected but I also got several texts from him to keep him updated. At that time I didn't want to seem mean but now I don't care if he thinks I am mean. I've blocked his number now so I wont have to worru whether I should answer his texts or not, I just won't receive them. I'm not sure if this is right or not but it felt like the right thing to do.

OneArt, I am not sure if I am ready to hear what he has to say but I know I can't continue knowing he is getting away without any consequences for what he has done. It's eating me up. I have been so kind to him and in turn he has lapped it all up and treated as a way to get to my D.

I don't know, I'm so confused with DB!


P.s - thank you for your birthday wishes! I love being a summer baby!!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')