Hoosjim's 16th. Looks like we're piecing, folks.

[SteveLW]

hoosjim that is all fair. But again I am seeing a lot of shifting and justification. I am well aware of compounding debt, and how hard, especially with unsecured credit, it is to pay a large debt. It just sound you jumped right to that in your confession to her, almost as if you were a victim. Maybe that is true, but in the confession is probably not the place to have the discussion about your experience with unsecured debt and high interest rates (and low minimum payments).

The point on the deflection on the "not trusting" was that if this had been owned up to 20 years ago (or whenever it was new) then her you not trusting her to stick around if she found out during the affair would have been a moot point.

Again, just something to keep an eye on. I watched my father, for decades, make bad spending decisions, hide it from y mom, and then try to justify it away with all sorts of explanations and "I am the victim" tactics. The problem was he never learned from it because a few years later he'd do it all over again.

Making mistakes is human. We all make them. Learning and growing in those mistakes is the key. You have an opportunity here to step back and see if there is learning and growth that can be had in your coming clean with your W.

Good luck sir, hopefully this is a small bump in the road and you both will be better for it moving forward. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.