I agree with your basic premise, Benito. For David to really progress, it is imperative to really focus on what is important to him and become and embody that new David2.0.
That said, I 100% disagree that the best and only path forward is to file for divorce. To me, divorce is a legal issue. If there some advantage you need financially or in custody or for personal protection....then sure, go ahead and file.
You disagree? But yet state its ok if its financial or for personal protection...
In the meantime he is getting money stolen from him and kids taken without his consent.. it IS for financial and personal protection.
Your entitled to your opinion, but to suggest to try and work on a relationship that his in laws have been hoping come to an end, his wife has been abusing his trust and stealing his money is behond me.
You think all of sudden after DBing for a few years his wife is going to change her spots and give him the money back?
No, it will happen again.. just like the other person did to him before hand. He needs to be out of that unloving toxic environment.
Not saving every marriage isnt against the rules.. its about being smart and if you think his best option is to leave the door ajar for this women then fair enough.
The process that is needed i.e. a deep introspective look into yourself etc.. is something i dont believe from posts he has started to the level that is needed to start a healthy journey forward.
The money she has taken is her own money (to hide in advance of a D). At the moment she is contributing more than me towards bills etc.
Before W left, I started saying that her abusive behaviour wasn't acceptable to me. She left saying she has no respect for me whatsoever - which I think is based upon resentment of me being a responsible parent and her struggling with it, plus her becoming the higher earner.
After, I have stood-up to W messing me around over seeing the kids and she has backed down a lot.
W has stopped interrupting me when I speak. When she talks in a bad way to me, I tell her to speak to me nicely and then she does.
W use to get jealous but I had assumed that would have stopped as she left. It seems W now suspects I might have someone else.
It is genuinely very difficult for me to get used to being apart because we had spent more than half of our lives together rarely apart.
Last edited by Cadet; 08/28/1806:12 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
This is a new thing for her with you having the kids 2 weeks (which I think is QUITE a long time for the kids to be away from either parent).
It is odd that she agreed to the 2 weeks. W has been very controlling not wanting the kids to stay overnight with me, she doesn't want them getting used to being back at home, she says what the kids and I should do on my days out with them etc. I then had enough, stood my ground, calmly and firmly and she backed-down. I don't know why.
Please start a new thread. Your thread is over the 100 posting/reply limit. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You disagree? But yet state its ok if its financial or for personal protection...
In the meantime he is getting money stolen from him and kids taken without his consent.. it IS for financial and personal protection.
Maybe Im not being clear. I think if the only course of action to obtain financial protection or to obtain custodial guarantees or if his W is being physically abusive or whatever to him or the house or the kids or something....then sure, go ahead and file to obtain those protections. But I think David and his L are working on interim settlements to give those protections. If you can agree with W on those items, then what other value does having a divorce decree offer you?
Im not saying every marriage should be saved. And I am absolutely not saying that now is the time to work on the relationship.
I just dont understand what value a document saying that they are DIVORCED has otherwise.
Originally Posted by Benito
if you think his best option is to leave the door ajar for this women then fair enough.
Yes, I think leaving the door ajar is the best course of action until he is ready to close it. From his posts and the attitude Ive seen, he is nowhere near that point. So what is the harm in leaving that possibility on the table for HIM?
Originally Posted by Benito
The process that is needed i.e. a deep introspective look into yourself etc.. is something i dont believe from posts he has started to the level that is needed to start a healthy journey forward.
Yes. I agree with this.
I just dont see what this has to do with filing for divorce.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
