JCQ50, I was in your position for a pretty long time before my husband left. If I had done some things differently I think I could have changed the dynamic of the marriage and we'd most likely still be together although I don't know if we'd be reconciled. Your wife is still there, so there is more hope and more to do while you're still together. Once she leaves it gets harder to reconcile. It seems all of the DB guidelines will help you. As your wife sees your changes and you make real genuine long-term changes then we can all hope she'll see you as an attractive option again. It sounds like you may be feeling defeated because you've already doing that and it hasn't worked yet, but there appears to be a trend and a statement in the DB book that says it takes a long time to fix these kinds or problems. I guess we all expect to make those changes and we'll get fast results but it may not work that way. Other times if the other person wants to leave and we allow them to do so graciously then at least they'll respect us and see we weren't trying to control them so there's a higher chance they'll return later. If you become a roadblock it will further increase resentment. It sounds like you're on the right track.
