Obviously yesterday was a miserable day for me. I don't know if W is seeing this but to protect myself, I'm just going to say I told her my feelings and why she is pursuing EA and PA with OM. She said I'm assuming a lot of things. I told her that I'm not stupid or oblivious. Her slamming the end call button in the car, her closed door conversations while I'm in the house, her weekends away with OM (while she is in a towel...asks for vinegar and warm water to...clean up a sexual mess I'm assuming) but I did hear her talking to OM while she was in bedroom (didn't tell her the phone sex part), it adds up. I said I understand why she is engaging in an Emotional and Physical relationship with OM. Again, she tries to deny it, but I hold firm. I'm not angry. But I told her I understand. I told her what the MC told me about nourishing. I told her I surrendered. I told her about her yelling "It's over." She denied saying it's over and did not yell it. I clarified and said I heard "It's over", but I did hear that "This is not a romantic relationship." and told her as much. She then told me she is seeing the changes I am working on myself. I did not say anything. Nor did I bring it up. She told me herself. I told her that I'm seeing good changes as well and I'm so happy for her. I also told her that I see the efforts in keeping the house clean and organized...something that I didn't see when we were together and admitted as much.
She then suggested that she I come home and put D4 to bed while she is out of the house. I said I can just come home and W doesn't have to go anywhere. She said that is not a good idea and it would be counter-productive to the progress I have been making. I validated that as well. We hung up the call...ended on a note that did not end up with one of us yelling.
Before I went to sleep, I told her thank you for the conversation. She said "Yep. Have a good night."
Today, all I wanted to do was talk to D4. I called W asking for D4 and she said that she was watching cartoons. I said thanks and hung up. D4 called later, we talked and we hung up at the same time.
Finally W asked me if she wanted to pack for D4 and i trip away. I simply said no. She was offended that I didn't thank her. I thanked her and even though it sounded a little sarcastic, I was sincere. She responded "Perfect". I then clarified that I was not being rude. And that I was busy.
End call. My chest hurts, I'm broken yet again, I speak to a DB coach tomorrow and I want to move out.
What amount of 2x4 will I take to the face for what I did yesterday?
It's (only) been 8 months and I still haven't moved out completely. I have however, started to seriously think D as a viable option. And detaching is in full force today.
How much more can I take? If I stay, I hurt. If I go, I'll hurt just the same.
