hoosjim, this is why lies and secrecy in a MR are never good. And worse, they never get better with time.

The one thing that stood out to me was you blamed:

- Not fully trusting her
- The system not making it easy

Hmmm.

First the first one is bunk. This was a secret you held from her LONG before the problems in the MR.

Second one is also bunk. You took risk, let it get out of hand, and haven't been able to dig out. It isn't the system. Otherwise all of us would be $50,000 in debt and not able to pay our way out.

The caution here is in you not OWNING it. You need to own up to it and take full responsibility for your situation. It has nothing to do with you not trusting her after the MR problems. it has nothing to do with the man holding you down.

Maybe this need to assign blame is something you should explore with your C. I remember getting a similar vibe from you in defending your decision to bug her room after you moved out. Explore whether or not this blame deflecting and justification defense mechanism is a common pattern. And then how to 180 on it.

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018