First post - Wall is up, wife wants a divorce

[SteveLW]

JCQ50, sorry you are here but welcome to the board. Great group of folks with valuable insight.

First, stop MC. Being in MC with someone that isn't invested in the MR is a waste of money. Keep going to IC. Don't even bother her about IC.

Second, pay heed to all of the reading from Cadet, and his advice in his response. Your motto should be "Let her go to get her back."

That means stopping all pressure and pursuit. Back way off. She has essentially fired you from being her H so stop all husbandly actions. Do not do her laundry. Cook only for you. Stop cleaning up after her no matter how bad it bothers you. Be busy from the minute you get up until the minute you go to bed. Even in house, you are busy busy busy.

Do not start conversations with her. If she starts one participate but do not be overly eager. Read sandi's rules every day. Study them. Learn them. Know them. LIVE THEM!

Keep 180ing on any destructive behavior. If you were controlling, stop. If you are a yeller, stop yelling. But also stop taking all of the blame. it takes two to tango and she is as much a reason for the failure of the marriage as you are.

GAL. Sounds like you are doing this. Ramp it up. Don't tell her where you are, or what you are doing. If she questions you then you answer with "I was out." Remember, she is firing you, you owe her nothing.

Finally, are you sure there isn't an OM? In my experience most Ws don't move on from "a catch" unless there is someone waiting in the wings. It really doesn't change anything you need to do, but just be aware that likely there is someone else, even if just a male confidant that is advising her she should leave you, that she deserves better, etc. An EA essentially.