I think holding on to the fact that she will snap of this fog - is a huge mistake. You may say you are not - but deep down you are. But its through desperation and to avoid loss rather than a logical decision that is best for your spirit and wellbeing.
You have stated on numerous occasions she has abused your trust, taken your kids without permission and has been stealing from you on multiple occasions. Nobody deserves or should have to deal with that. You wouldn't advise your children to stay with a partner like that.. So why would you?
Your wife knows how she has treated you.. And even though you think that staying calm and gentlemanly might be the way forward to some sort of Recon, personally from speaking to a WAW on a daily basis, this stance makes you come off weak and needy rather than nice. You will always be there, the perfect safety net - despite how she has treated you. She will not respect you for that and it shows in her attitude and behaviour towards you that you have described us.
I think it says a lot about your current self worth, that you would even contemplate a relationship with someone you cant trust and has stolen from you on multiple occasions. I know from speaking to numerous people, that if their partner had stolen from them.. They would be out of the door asap!!
You can have as many people as you want on this forum giving you advise, but the core of it all boils down to you and what you represent.
The advise on this site isn't a one size fits all i.e. if I follow this advise then everything is going to fall into place. There needs to be some openness and respect from the person that wants out - and a place in their heart that they are willing to change. But when people are being nasty and abusive and stealing from you - the only respect you are going to gain for yourself and from the other person is to say no this is NOT acceptable - and then take hold of the situation and file for D.
Life is far too short for situations like this. You can hide behind the fear of losing your family, or whatever story you have convinced yourself that there will be a happy ending to this - however, as you take your time - there is someone that may be putting her pieces in place to take your kids and your home away from you.
There are hundreds if not thousands of people in this world - how could love and appreciate you properly and respectfully. When you do meet someone who treats you with that respect you will feel like an absolute fool for sticking to this game for so long.
Advise from someone who has done this before and knows how as WAW thinks - I am telling you directly the biggest mistake you are making is still keeping an eye on recon. That hope may feel like small salvation in a sea of pain - however ultimately it is not healthy and it is so counter intuitive it is untrue. The reason there are so few success stories on here is because people are focused on the wrong things - They are too focused on fixing what went wrong rather than improving themselves alone and for themselves irrelevant if partner wants to recon.
Its only by truly walking away that a new beginning can start. The quicker you accept that the better. Or you can continue disguising fear as practicality and you will be in a similar if not worse position in 6 months time.
