Confusion is my middle name...

[AndrewP]

Happy belated birthday Coly! I hope your daughter did well on her retake exams. I'm glad you started a fresh thread. I was wondering if you would.

I'm going to be a bit blunt and unkind here but I am sure you will forgive me. This is also just my own point of view.

Reading this this morning reminded me of our old friend Altair. Her story ended far quicker than yours but we both recall similarities.

In her case, her H just kept her hanging while he sorted out some career choices. When he had all that lined up - bam! - divorce papers were served. She was pretty broken up about it and the cavalier way she was treated and rightly so. Perhaps if his job transfer hadn't worked out he may have considered getting back together but who wants to be a plan B? She certainly wasn't part of the new life that he wanted when his job transfer finally came through.

I also have been thinking about my own ex-wife. She ran off after the milkman presumably based on lots of promises of a great life together. Three years later as far as I know, she's still just the girlfriend while he lives his life doing what he wants and they see each other from time to time. She stays right where he left her. In an apartment over a liquor store with her elderly incontinent dog - waiting.

I think you are reading in to him, your own desires. You suggest "he should be ready to talk". What's there for him to talk about? His life is pretty good. He has a pretty wife and cool step-daughter whenever he could want them, which isn't right now. But they sit nicely on a shelf just like one of his models. He dusts them occasionally but has no real interest in them for now. And hey - perhaps something nicer will come along. He's got the freedom of choice and also the freedom from choice.

I've suggested this before and you weren't ready to hear it and perhaps still aren't. And I know that it's not very "DB" friendly.

Cut. Him. Loose.

Save. Yourself.

If he truly is interested in a wife and family that includes you, he'll act. It's been more than long enough for him to deal with whatever unknown, unexplainable, unexplained issues caused him to wander off. My expectation is that he'll show some shock and remorse. Just enough to get you back up on the shelf where he left you. I could be wrong but I may be right.

You can't spend your life waiting for someone who has clearly demonstrated that you are not his priority.

(((((Coly)))))