You're mind reading, hanging on to everything she says. What about her actions?
Don't try to predict the future here either. I know you want that crystal ball that tells you everything is going to work out but no one knows.
I suppose you're right. Obviously it's hard not to get hung up on what she says, cause that's all I really have to process. I'm not sure what kind of actions I should be looking for or aware of. I mean, short of her getting on her knees and begging forgiveness, what would you consider a positive action? Her little EA aside, she's not really a 'first move' kind of person, in any aspect of life.
Be aware that rarely is there a "getting on her knees and begging forgiveness" moment. The only one I can think of is a poster named hoosjim had his wife do this but only in reaction to some very specific actions he talked. Namely he left, moved into a hotel, and didn't come back until she was ready to recommit to the MR. Based on your posting so far T I am guessing you aren't willing to go to those lengths. Likely you will move into R and piecing gradually without a big bang event. In fact, at first you won't even realize it until you are a few weeks in and realize that she hasn't been engaging in the behavior that was destructive to the marriage for quite a while.
My advice...SLOW DOWN. Slow and steady wins the race. You will get no where fast if you try to rush things. WASs/WWs need to come around on their own time. It could be weeks. It could be months. It could be years!
This brings up another dynamic I've seen. Where the LBS is less interested in actual R and piecing as much as they are just trying to prove the can get her back! This is danger zone time. I've seen this with other posters, even some that have gone beyong the point of no return, where they insist they aren't even interested in ever getting back together with their WAS, but their actions and words belie them. You can tell they want validation of an apology, or to see some remorse, or even for the WAS to want to come back, (or at least say they do). Again this is a cheeseless tunnel. It will continue to trip you up emotionally and it will cause you to do and say things that are detrimental to your sitch, to yourself, and to future coparenting if you never get back together.
Often these LBS have also convinced themselves that they were completely in the right and some huge flaw on their WASs part is wholly to blame for the divorce. First, this is hardly ever true. It might be true in < .01% of all cases. I have witnessed dozens, if not 100s of marriage to collapse in my nearly 50 years on this earth. In every case there were mistakes made by the WAS that contributed to that marriage's failure. I can't think of one where that wasn't the case. Even if it was a simple as turning a blind eye to warning signs PRIOR to getting married. I know I am guilty of this myself in my marriage and could give you specific examples where I did this. But the point is that there aren't any innocent parties in the collapse of a marriage.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
