The art of losing isn't hard to master

[DnJ]

Scrappy!

Awesome quality!

Glad things are looking better.

[Pax_luv]

One,
Glad you came by to share an update. I was worried about you! Not that you can’t handle your business, but I agree it’s wise to step back for a bit especially when things are contentious.

I’m glad you and the kids are doing well and that they seem to Be on solid ground dealing with the alien.

Keep up the great work.

[OneArt]

More telephone calls and now a return to the self-help/FOO videos that have zero relevance to the kids and obviously relate to the MLCer’s journey. Still not aware of any attempts to see them. Cycle this way, cycle that.

[Gordie]

One art

So good to hear from you

Ah yes

We have all learned so much about patience

And yes it is okay to just be

[OneArt]

Hi Gordie, thanks for stopping by.

Another first I guess. The mother of one of the younger child's friends told me today what a joy the child is and that I am "doing such a great job" with the child. I suppose this was my first single mom pep talk from someone who has heard the child's version of life (I actually have no idea what either of them tell their friends about the MLCer and our situation).

I also finally got into a club I've been trying to join for a while now and signed up for DivorceCare. I have definitely reached the point where I can tell my own story with no tears and without that sound in my own head where my voice is a bit funny. Thus, I guess it finally feels safer to venture from my tower and join the world a bit.

Still trying to decide how I should respond when inevitably asked whether I am married, etc. I don't consider myself separated (there is no legal or contractual separation and we have no agreement between us) and I am not yet divorced and at this rate not likely to be any time soon. I'm hardly single. I'd say its complicated but that feels like it would invite further comment. Or I suppose I could say "legally" or "sort of". Maybe the best response is that we are estranged.

[OneArt]

And another oddity. My spidey senses have been active lately. I told someone yesterday that I think the MLCer has been stalking the house. Then an email to one of the kids asking what we had done with an object you could see from the front of the house until recently. The other one reported a possible sighting of the MLCer’s car earlier in the day. The MLCer lives an hour away and has no reason to be by here.

[DnJ]

Good Morning OneArt

I see the unsolicited videos to the kids are continuing. I figure still without much text, if any, from their Dad.

Very happy to see you got a prep talk from child’s friend’s Mom. I like this Mom, she is supporting my good friend OneArt.

You are “doing such a great job”, don’t ever doubt that.

That inevitable question of marital status - providing an accurate answer to people is complicated. Actually, I think the complication is providing an accurate answer to yourself. Until that is resolved you can’t really answer other’s questions about it. I do suppose people in a DivorceCare group will understand and speak the same lingo, different from the general population. You might even find a better description, although estranged is pretty darn good.

Hang in there One, you’re doing great.

Btw my spidey senses have been buzzing away lately as well. However, your’s sound to be more real. I’d pay attention to it, but not worry too much about it.

[OneArt]

Thanks DnJ. I'm definitely not worried about what he is doing. It doesn't change me or my plans. I am just dropping notes for myself and others. I think on this site everyone swoops in from day one to tell you to GAL and move on that you start to feel weird posting stuff about the movement for all the backlash you'll face by not looking at yourself enough, but as I said, I find it fascinating. I don't know where my story ends or where his does, but if someone is going through something similar, or reading this five years from now and knows how it ends, I hope they can get something from looking back on it. I have gotten the most on this site from the older threads and being able to read someone's arc in a condensed period of time.

I don't check the texts as much as I used to, but there was a time where he definitely pulled away and became much more superficial. I think what I am seeing now is some desperation. I haven't responded to the anchor checks and the kids never do, so I think he is feeling that we are all moving away. Hence the now frequent phone calls and the drive-bys. It may have to do with one of the kids returning to school and the recognition that a long time has gone by with no contact. Something pertaining to him at any rate.

As I said, the FOO examination videos are back after about an 8-9 month absence. The last two alone, sent on the same day, would have suggested that he knows he is running from something (the first even said you don't extend your life by adding days through diet and exercise or partying or making new friends or traveling the world) and will never find happiness that way (and in fact implied that what he is looking for can only be found by a deeper examination of his real life and his family) and the second suggested that the cause is what happened to him as a child and is now triggering him to behave the way he is. I constantly scratch my head and think surely he is watching these before sending them. They have no applicability to the children, so why does he send them? My last counselor said they were all about him and where he was.

The texts are more desperate too. More and deeper expressions of love and longing. More concern about not knowing what is going on in their lives and the passage of time. Nothing about him or what he is doing or how is spending his time. No direct contact with me.

[Coly23]

OneArt, I love reading your posts. You make me realise that I shouldn't worry about what H thinks. If I ignore his texts that's my choice. Got it!

I love reading old posts, seeing their journeys. I think my posts will be a reminder to all how not to do it!

[Gordie]

One art

You are a fount of wisdom

I too found reading entire arcs over many years illuminating to me

Seeing all the twists and turns

And different outcomes

And that the LBS who works on himself or herself

Comes out the other side a o k

With or without the spouse

It is quite reassuring