....Having replayed the R and seeing my contributions - my actions - my words- my failures . I feel that I did things with my full intent with the well being of my family as my objective. For my failures I have taken ownership and work steadily on making me better in those departments. I'm not totally sure that I want my W back. I know this can all change. I feel as though -I deserve better- I deserve more - I deserve to be happy! I am fully aware that I do not need that from my W although I still feel angry and betrayed because of her actions.
All normal and healthy thoughts and feeling. IMO
We must learn to love in a way that the other feel free. I know that in my own sitch I fell into a pattern of fix and control. It was consensual and appreciated at first. I now see where it became a problem over time. Regardless of how my MR works out, I will be a better mate because of my new awareness. You too have gained awareness and now have standards and expectations that you will apply regardless of how things work out. One major detour in my process was the realization that this problem was not one for me to fix, at least not alone. If only I hadn't spent so much time and energy looking for the fix. If I had Dropped the Rope and focused on my God-given purpose instead of a solution to this problem with my W, I would be further down the road by now.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
