my GAL is going to have to revolve around days out etc. with the kids (and it's going very well). ... it's best I'm around full-time for the kids at the moment until the childcare issue is agreed. There are concerns that W may take the kids away (again).
Always a concern....Keep GAL with kids #1 priority during your parenting time....parenting time is yours to lose....do not lose it.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I resisted contact and W has sent me a message asking if the kids are OK and what my plans are to take them away for a few days. I don't yet have any plans to do that (but might have later). Should I reply?
YES.
Be a good parent. Communicate the important things to there mother.
We will being here from this time to this time. Son is sick. I am taking him to doctor ...
etc...
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Feeling emotional right now, how can W not want our lovely family to be together?
She does. And she doesn't. She's going through a whirlwind of emotions right now. She's on a journey of discovery. She's got to get to the root of why she is unhappy. Right now she thinks it's because of you and the M. That's why we preach detachment, you've got to remove yourself from the equation before she'll learn that you are not the problem. This is a marathon, the outcome is unknown. Your family may very well be together again. But it's going to take time.
I've not replied to her message asking how the kids are doing and wanting to know my plans with them. If she wants to know then she should make an effort to get back together. If she wants a D then she will have to get used to not knowing.
Besides, she doesn't tell me what she plans with the kids, and when she does it's usually not true.
Besides, she doesn't tell me what she plans with the kids, and when she does it's usually not true.
Pass out what you want to receive. LEAD
I agree and disagree. If youre taking the kids on an overnight adventure somewhere, then I think it's reasonable to communicate that at this stage. If youre taking them bowling or to the movies or whatever around the town where you live, then I dont think detailed plans need to be shared.
But like R2C said, share what you would want shared with you.
I would take out the "it's always very calm at home" part. That's you trying to imply she should come home where the kids are calm because you say she wants a calm life. Keep it short and simple.
If you’re taking the kids on an overnight adventure somewhere, then I think it's reasonable to communicate that at this stage. If you’re taking them bowling or to the movies or whatever around the town where you live, then I don’t think detailed plans need to be shared.
Agree
Originally Posted by DavidUK
I dare not tell W if/when we are away for a couple of nights because she will be back in the house and going through my things etc. In a few days she's going to receive a childcare offer from my L for the kids to live most of the time with me.
Is she legally allowed in the house? if not, Change the Locks. Security cameras?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
R2C - Yes, she's legally allowed in the house. I was thinking of taking the kids to stay somewhere locally for a couple of nights not far from home but I won't be able to relax if W knows I won't be at home as she will go through all my stuff.
Ginger1 - Yep, I wanted to use the world "calm" because it is, and that's what she says she wants. Before W left it wasn't calm due to her.
Amoafwl - "share what you would want shared with you" I don't think it would make any difference because of her state of mind, and I can't trust her.
I have now sent approval of the legal letter to go to W for a childcare plan. W had mentioned to me a few times that she wants one but it's actually me that is moving forwards with it on my terms.
I am feeling upset that I am having to do this but it's in the best interests of the children under the current circumstances.
However, it could make D easier and quicker should W move forwards with that so I have very mixed feelings about whether I'm doing the right thing. On the other-hand it might help snap her back into reality that D would mean us both seeing a lot less of the kids than we would like and it would be better to try to get back togther. I never wanted to be in this position and I'm not certain that I'm doing the right thing.
