Was going to continue with old thread but decided to utilize two independently of another to address a new sitch which just occurred last night. A little background:
BD 8 /8
T 8 M3
Last night my W and I talked for over 3 hours. The talk concluded with her and I piecing. She told me she does want to work on us and has just been very cautious and built emotional walls to absorb the effects of my past actions. I haven't been the best husband and committed an EA with a Co worker before we were married in 2015. I have also been emotionally abusive among other things, controlling, possessive, etc. Onitially I thought and posted in my last thread that my W was currently involved in an EA but what I found really was no proof of anything and went I confronted her about it she looked very hurt by the fact I thought so. We share a facebook she never hides her phone and always let's me know where she is at, comes right home from work etc. Last night she told me since I was so adamant at thinking she was she didn't intend to dispute what I thought as truth and let it go at that point. Will reiterate some key points of yesterday's discussion:
On her birthday she went out with her girlfriend for a quick drink after work. I exploded. (my old self) And began hounding her and when she got home I told her for the umtinth time that we shouldn't be together and we should just separate. (she told me last night that was the single most underlying fact for BD later that night)
In the past I have threatened to take the kids and leave her etc, and hitting her with that again drove her to the edge that night.
She said last night it took her so much courage to say that to the man she loves and she is so scared of being let down and has been fighting the decision since stated. She said that by forgiving and entering piecing she feels she has let down her promise to herself to not make another run at us even though she wanted to.
I validated these comments.
Between us folks I sincerely understand her position on this. For to long I have taken her for granted and mistreated her in all ways but physically.
She acknowledged my changes in actions and attitude and is holding onto hope I do not revert to my old ways while piecing/entering R.
I validated. / Reassurred.
We have the understanding moving forward baby steps will be ephanized as growth on both sides of the fence are attained. I am going to continue go 180 my past ways, and validate her emotions and feelings.
Our. Ommunicatom broke down some time ago, and we are going to get to reknow each other thru going out on kid less dates and rekindle our connection both emotionally and physically.
We have promised to speak our minds and not bottle up emotions henceforth in order to collaborate solidified growth better.
I know this will take a long time, months, even years to regain what has fallen apart, and I look forward to the start of this journey and embrace it. I know she is still quite skeptical and guarded and understand why. O will continue to journal and seek insight from everyone on this site during the course of our piecing. Thank you all. I look forward to feedback on what I should do as well. Much love folks
