WW- Equalzr's saga pt 2. WW's & MLC'er advice plz

[equalzr]

This week is our anniversary. Its a tough pill to swallow. I still cant understand how someone can have an A so easily, almost like heading to the store to get groceries. Ive done enough research that i know its par for the course, but to be void of remorse and for your conscience not to make you think twice will always baffle me. I couldnt handle the thought of being the one who ripped my famiy apart, and stabbed my spouse in the back repeatedly so i cant relate. Nothing from W other than just now realizing how much she has hurt me which is b.s. She didnt realize it during my many sleepless nights over the last 1.5 years? Or during any of the 20+ lbs i lost? Sad when an apology is really only to make you feel better and not the spouse your cheating on.

Ive read a couple of threads here today about self pity/being a victim and realize i have to get over being a victim. It took over a year to find out that wife put me down and scrutanized me so much because she was making herself feel better. Needless to say my confidence took a beating. I too got caught up in apologizing multiple times when the W would go to her reliable compaints about the past when she was really making herself feel better for having an A. I cant let this define the rest of my life no matter what happens. Its crazy how different emotions come in waves over me.

Im going to ramp up my GAL activities this week. Time to find financial aid for graduate degree, get in the gym every day time permitting, dive deeper into some reading im doing (motivational etc), and increase activities w/ S.

The bible verse someone else posted really hit home with me: "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown,
    but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."

Aint that the truth.