I think I post asking about W and her a lot because Im so unsure about her. I have no idea what shes thinking or how to act in this situation. With a normal woman Im good. Working on myself is a process but Im working on me consistently. In regard to WAW I scratch my head like WTF many times... as weve discussed its doing the opposite of what I think would work.
Met new woman I a had been talking to last night in town. Immediately felt felt very comfortable and got along well. But there werent those firework spark feelings either... It seems like we already know each other somehow... very strange... Unsure. Going to see her again.
W had asked a week ago to get to know each other again. Before seeing new woman I asked W if she would want to get a bite or a drink next week. Maybe I would of cancelled if she had yes. But she didnt even respond. The next day she picked up D4. After leaving she asked if she did something wrong. I asked her about her lack of response and basically said no you didnt do anything wrong you are who you are. She said shes finicky.... I said would you tell a many youre interested in spending time with youre finicky? It was a brief convo which is good.
In my mind that question of asking her out was my last time. IF she makes her own 180 and wants to work towards R then I have to decide if I want that. Otherwise its D4, work, GAL, move on. I hope she comes around.
In regard to support ending at the end of september. I would think it would be divorce through mediation and with a 90 day cool down period at that time or work on R. I dont know about just cutting the support... I feel like it could lead to court and bigger issues.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Like Nike says... just do it? She has no income and no way to work but I guess that’s not my problem. I guess I should talk to an attorney
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Did, you need to detach and stop the pressure. There is pression over your W and over yourself too. Are you enjoying those tennis table match R talks? There’s no need of all of that. You have to come to the scene from a powerful position. How do you get that? DBing...detaching should be the first achievement. Just read again Steve’s, Sandi’s, AS’s, Loves’s, etc, etc, etc.
Do you want your wife back? detach! Do you want to go on with life? detach!
Like Nike says... just do it? She has no income and no way to work but I guess that’s not my problem. I guess I should talk to an attorney
Yes and yes. She fired you as her Husband. You honored your word to support her through September. Now you need to cut it off until a court orders otherwise.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
She could get a part time job or something I shouldnt say she has no way to work. She definitely could get a minimally paying job. She acts entitled and wouldnt do it. She is taking her soil scientist exam at the end of September so after that she will be trying to get her business going. Who knows how it will go. I have already reached back out to the mediation attorney who says: typically spousal support /alimony may be a temporary method to help a spouse through a transition, the amount and duration can be determined by the both of you.
I kind of feel like at the end of september either she chooses to love each other and show acts of love consistently and try her best to piece it together if she truly wants to spend time together and get to know me or we divorce. Those are two options and the third is we see how things go but the support is drastically reduced or ends completely. She does have a year lease with both our names on it....
We barely talk. We spend no time together. Its sad especially for D4 but it is what it is. I cant change her or make her open up to me or take action. I continue to try to detach and do not reach out to her at all but we did have an event last night...
W was in the hospital last night having migraines and throwing up. She texted me a couple times I was busy and didnt get back to her for a couple hours. By the time I did call back she was crying, saying she thought she was going to die and was going to the hospital with her stepdad. She asked me to come. At first I said hope youre ok, we arent together etc... She said something like [censored] you I feel like Im going to die. Probably NGS and I should of let her feel like what its like without me. This is the women Im supposed to do all these tricks for to get back. I barely give her the time of day at this point.
In the past I would rub her neck and shed be ok she gets these tension headaches from stress or neck tightness... She said she appreciated me being there said how much it meant to her thanked me a bunch of times. They did a catscan it came back fine. It was the first time we were alone together in many months. It was pretty weird being close to her like that in the hospital. Last time I was in that hospital I was asking her mom to marry her. She said she wants to spend time together but doesnt know when asked me about getting tea for two which is something she likes to do.
Im just about checked out. I just replied let me know when she mentioned tea
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
AFter wanting the Mr back for so long now I’m torn. Makes it hard to be happy. GOIng to beach woth d4 tomorrow. FOCusing on work and gAl. HItting the gym. I know happiness Is up to each of us and not external factors. NEEd to keep working on myself and 180s.
Not sure what’s up with my phone caps.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Just got home from beach trip with D4. Had a great time for the most part, waterpark, beach, outlets etc. Good time with friends and kids.
Had a 1.5 hour phone convo with W last night. She wanted to talk on the phone to discuss schedule. Said she had a couple glasses of wine... She cried multiple times on the phone, when I mentioned 3 options - divorce, continue as is, stop paying support... she said it was a threat to cut her off, I can;t do that, it makes her think less of me. She has some good points about the schedule, that I have worked a lot and she has been stuck with D4 unable to have a consistent schedule ever... but I have offered to get a babysitter. I am going to get a sitter moving forward and stick to a schedule.
Ended up saying she wants to talk on the phone once or twice more before doing something together. I may be open to it... not sure. But I will probably hear her out / let it play out. I know I would want her to get into IC and she would need to do her own 180s if things were going to work. We barely know each other now so maybe she's different than I perceive her.
But, there are a lot of negatives... pretty unsure about it. She says she knows she will pull away if we start spending time because thats what happens when youre hurt. She says she has a lot of healing to do and its going to take a long time. I know she has read a lot about it and she considers herself emotionally abused. She is extremely sensitive, she is fragile, she has anxiety. She has always been introverted, doesnt like people, doesnt like my family, doesnt like her own family... Not sure I see the positives as much anymore, except looks, physical attraction and our daughter. Not sure if its meant to be... Feel like my gut is telling me no but maybe it will change if things move in a positive direction. Not sure I want to pay support / wait around. We can date after divorce if we want to, right? People do that...
Pretty sure I am going to get back into IC. May look for a new therapist.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
