Learning, Growing, Healing

[Brubeck]

Cali, you are such a welcome voice. Love reading your updates and posts elsewhere. You seem to be further down the trail than the rest of us, and you offer resonant perspective on what this all has brought you.

I will come in and read up from time to time but seldom post as in a way it just seems rude to bust in someones thread who has no idea who I am and offer advice that's generally already been given though I might re-word it somehow.

Oh, d@mn. I didn't think of that. I bust in on newbie threads and give my 2 cents without a proper introduction. Ha ha.

She rarely makes eye contact when I collect S11 every other Saturday but the past few months she does not hesitate to call for things concerning S11.

Check and check. I get no eye contact, and when I pick up my kids if XW can get them out the door without showing her face, she does. She only communicates via text, and only about money.

I think as a long term relationship gets abruptly derailed and there is an OM all the sudden it eats away at our core. It was more than just the mirror work for me, it was re-learning those traits and qualities that made me... dare I say attractive to the opposite sex. Ladies are more drawn to confidence in a man and when you have had your SO of 20+ years cheat openly and unashamed it will rock any dude, this has to be rebuilt from the floor up IMHO as you just can not fake it till you make it in the confidence arena.

This is tough medicine to take but I'm glad to hear this from you. There are times I tell myself "I think I'm more screwed up than I know, but I don't know how or why" - I wonder if this is related to all of this.

Thanks for the update.