Divorce and Acceptance part 3

[Brubeck]

Hi Pax,

Thinking of you. D@mn, these MLCers really follow the same pattern, and us LBSers seem to respond the same way as well.

The nastiness of the divorce does not equate to the level of unhappiness in the marriage. It just doesn’t. I think that is what I’m upset about right now. It didn’t have to be this way.... it really didn’t.

You're speaking for both of us. I've already forgiven my wife for divorcing me - because you can't force someone to stay someplace they don't want to be. I've already forgiven my wife for why she said she wanted a divorce - because I know I'm watching her on an MLC trainwreck. I can't forgive my wife for HOW she divorced me, that has been the hardest thing to deal with. I still get eruptions of anger at how destructive and nasty she tried to make it.

Based on the research I did on MLC (as well as depression), you are lucky to keep the good memories of your marriage. Should your H come out of MLC one day, he will struggle to remember a lot, including many years of his marriage. Depression and memory loss go hand in hand.

I just found out that he bought two investment properties after we separated. Of course he didn’t disclose this.

Please tell your lawyer this, if they don't already know. I don't know what the D laws are like in your corner of the world, but here in Illinois anything a spouse does with money during a marriage is considered a marital asset (money, property, valuables, etc.) I think only inheritances are excluded. Even if you're separated, you're still technically married, and any investments he made during this time might be considered a marital asset. Do not let him walk away with everything.

One he is soulless, and two he has money to get by.

Yes, indeed. The second half of that sentence drives the first. Expect his greed and desire towards money to continue well after the D is over. They will spend quite some time trying to buy happiness, because it's easier to do that for a moment of pleasure rather than acknowledge the giant black hole inside them.

Fight for what's fair, prepare yourself for some monstering on his end, and stay on the high road in your responses.