Clean Slate Pt. 2 (Advice on my Scenario Pt. 24)

[OrangeK]

More GAL. Do so much that you can't have her in your head.

See, here's the thing. The more you on purpose write her messages for us to analyze, the more you analyze and dwell over them yourself. You are deliberately reinforcing the neural pathways that are responsible for keeping her in the headspace.

Interesting you reference this. I did a lot of research over the weekend, and neural pathways and retraining them was a heavily touched upon topic.

This is exactly same as what you are doing. People in your thread are trying to get it into your head. We can feel sorry for you and validate your feelings as much as you want to, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Another good point. I have been begging for validation, and when not getting it, lashing out.
But you are right. validation will not heal me.

Time heals is a pretty vague statement because healing doesn't happen by itself. You have to heal yourself. My gf told me about a woman she knows who is still looking at her husband through rose-tinted glasses and is still not over him - they've been divorced for over 16 years! She's a mess and will forever be until she learns to let him truly go. Heck, the guy has a 13-year-old son and is set for life with his new wife.

If i dont buckle down, this could be my fate. I wont allow that. If anything EXW should be the one in this position, not me.

We are not attacking you. We are not defending your XW. She's a mess. However, analyzing her behavior or "circlejerking" about her mistakes is not going to get you anywhere. It might feel good for a good second or two but then you are again at the starting point. Everyone gets low points in their path but you seem to always swing around when you get messages from her. I know you're much better than you were at the start so I don't say that as a discouragement.

Again, great points. You took a topic i have been struggling to communicate to the board and laid it out perfectly.
This is the validation thing again, and you are right. Its a temporary solution to a lasting problem, not a true fix at all, but a temporary balm. Like Lydocane.

Again, this is not an accusation, I do not hate you or wish you go away from this board. I hope that you start trusting us more. We are not trying to talk you down or mock you. I do understand that these messages feel like punches to your ego - but they are not. They are really meant to help you.

I know this is a place to heal, even if its difficult. You guys wont be rid of me that easily. Cant you see im far too stubborn for that ??
I know its all love and help, i push my own family away sometimes too. S*itty defense mechanism on my part.