Thats because everyone's answer is the same "Get out and GAL! its all you can do!!" And i have explained serveral times, that as much as i GAL, she still gets in the headspace.
So if GAL doesnt work to get her out of headspace, what is your next recommendation?
More GAL. Do so much that you can't have her in your head.
See, here's the thing. The more you on purpose write her messages for us to analyze, the more you analyze and dwell over them yourself. You are deliberately reinforcing the neural pathways that are responsible for keeping her in the headspace.
Let me give you an example: don't think about a pink fluffy elephant. Don't. Don't you dare to think about a pink fluffy elephant. What are you thinking about now? Now, in my next comment I will tell you the same exact thing and eventually, each time you see my name, you think about a pink fluffy elephant right away without really even realizing it. But, if I pop into your thread next time one year from now, you'll probably either have forgotten it or at best remember it as a silly vague comment.
This is exactly same as what you are doing. People in your thread are trying to get it into your head. We can feel sorry for you and validate your feelings as much as you want to, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Time heals is a pretty vague statement because healing doesn't happen by itself. You have to heal yourself. My gf told me about a woman she knows who is still looking at her husband through rose-tinted glasses and is still not over him - they've been divorced for over 16 years! She's a mess and will forever be until she learns to let him truly go. Heck, the guy has a 13-year-old son and is set for life with his new wife.
We are not attacking you. We are not defending your XW. She's a mess. However, analyzing her behavior or "circlejerking" about her mistakes is not going to get you anywhere. It might feel good for a good second or two but then you are again at the starting point. Everyone gets low points in their path but you seem to always swing around when you get messages from her. I know you're much better than you were at the start so I don't say that as a discouragement.
Again, this is not an accusation, I do not hate you or wish you go away from this board. I hope that you start trusting us more. We are not trying to talk you down or mock you. I do understand that these messages feel like punches to your ego - but they are not. They are really meant to help you.
Last edited by lcause; 08/27/1809:52 AM.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
