Clean Slate Pt. 2 (Advice on my Scenario Pt. 24)

[OrangeK]

Nothing?

[NicoleR]

I'm sorry OrangeK because I don't know the answer. I know there are other handsome men but I still think my husband is the best looking so I'm the same as you.

[TBSakaJ9]

I move past it when I think of my XW banging her BF.

[OrangeK]

I move past it when I think of my XW banging her BF.

good answer.
Makes her less desirable i guess, but not less attractive.
tough.
Itll happen.

[Vanilla]

Orange can I ask a favour?

In light of your experience would you check in on lost12 there appears to be an arrest set up.

Thanks

V

[Vanilla]

Some men and women map physically. In other words they feel a draw to a physical type add in the love bombing and it becomes a Stockholm syndrome issue.

I am minded of Cherry whose WH was a map attraction, suddenly as if a spell had been broken she saw him as ugly.

This is what happened to me, I saw the G in court and nothing attractive at all. I was repulsed. I saw the ugly and weird not the charm and looks. In fact I was rather repulsed.

All I can say is that will happen.

V

[lcause]

Thats because everyone's answer is the same "Get out and GAL! its all you can do!!"
And i have explained serveral times, that as much as i GAL, she still gets in the headspace.

So if GAL doesnt work to get her out of headspace, what is your next recommendation?

More GAL. Do so much that you can't have her in your head.

See, here's the thing. The more you on purpose write her messages for us to analyze, the more you analyze and dwell over them yourself. You are deliberately reinforcing the neural pathways that are responsible for keeping her in the headspace.

Let me give you an example: don't think about a pink fluffy elephant. Don't. Don't you dare to think about a pink fluffy elephant. What are you thinking about now? Now, in my next comment I will tell you the same exact thing and eventually, each time you see my name, you think about a pink fluffy elephant right away without really even realizing it. But, if I pop into your thread next time one year from now, you'll probably either have forgotten it or at best remember it as a silly vague comment.

This is exactly same as what you are doing. People in your thread are trying to get it into your head. We can feel sorry for you and validate your feelings as much as you want to, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Time heals is a pretty vague statement because healing doesn't happen by itself. You have to heal yourself. My gf told me about a woman she knows who is still looking at her husband through rose-tinted glasses and is still not over him - they've been divorced for over 16 years! She's a mess and will forever be until she learns to let him truly go. Heck, the guy has a 13-year-old son and is set for life with his new wife.

We are not attacking you. We are not defending your XW. She's a mess. However, analyzing her behavior or "circlejerking" about her mistakes is not going to get you anywhere. It might feel good for a good second or two but then you are again at the starting point. Everyone gets low points in their path but you seem to always swing around when you get messages from her. I know you're much better than you were at the start so I don't say that as a discouragement.

Again, this is not an accusation, I do not hate you or wish you go away from this board. I hope that you start trusting us more. We are not trying to talk you down or mock you. I do understand that these messages feel like punches to your ego - but they are not. They are really meant to help you.

[OrangeK]

Orange can I ask a favour?

In light of your experience would you check in on lost12 there appears to be an arrest set up.

Thanks

V

Absolutely.
I will read Her Sitch front to back and toss my $.02 in the wishing well ASAP.

[OrangeK]

Some men and women map physically. In other words they feel a draw to a physical type add in the love bombing and it becomes a Stockholm syndrome issue.

I am minded of Cherry whose WH was a map attraction, suddenly as if a spell had been broken she saw him as ugly.

This is what happened to me, I saw the G in court and nothing attractive at all. I was repulsed. I saw the ugly and weird not the charm and looks. In fact I was rather repulsed.

All I can say is that will happen.

V

I will look up Cherry's Posts if i can.

I hope this does happen, it feels like one of the last teathers she has to me.
She does look totally different from when she was my wife. Hair, clothing style, everything. Totally different woman.
Its bizarre.

[OrangeK]

More GAL. Do so much that you can't have her in your head.

See, here's the thing. The more you on purpose write her messages for us to analyze, the more you analyze and dwell over them yourself. You are deliberately reinforcing the neural pathways that are responsible for keeping her in the headspace.

Interesting you reference this. I did a lot of research over the weekend, and neural pathways and retraining them was a heavily touched upon topic.

This is exactly same as what you are doing. People in your thread are trying to get it into your head. We can feel sorry for you and validate your feelings as much as you want to, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Another good point. I have been begging for validation, and when not getting it, lashing out.
But you are right. validation will not heal me.

Time heals is a pretty vague statement because healing doesn't happen by itself. You have to heal yourself. My gf told me about a woman she knows who is still looking at her husband through rose-tinted glasses and is still not over him - they've been divorced for over 16 years! She's a mess and will forever be until she learns to let him truly go. Heck, the guy has a 13-year-old son and is set for life with his new wife.

If i dont buckle down, this could be my fate. I wont allow that. If anything EXW should be the one in this position, not me.

We are not attacking you. We are not defending your XW. She's a mess. However, analyzing her behavior or "circlejerking" about her mistakes is not going to get you anywhere. It might feel good for a good second or two but then you are again at the starting point. Everyone gets low points in their path but you seem to always swing around when you get messages from her. I know you're much better than you were at the start so I don't say that as a discouragement.

Again, great points. You took a topic i have been struggling to communicate to the board and laid it out perfectly.
This is the validation thing again, and you are right. Its a temporary solution to a lasting problem, not a true fix at all, but a temporary balm. Like Lydocane.

Again, this is not an accusation, I do not hate you or wish you go away from this board. I hope that you start trusting us more. We are not trying to talk you down or mock you. I do understand that these messages feel like punches to your ego - but they are not. They are really meant to help you.

I know this is a place to heal, even if its difficult. You guys wont be rid of me that easily. Cant you see im far too stubborn for that ??
I know its all love and help, i push my own family away sometimes too. S*itty defense mechanism on my part.