One, thank you. I read your advise a few times and let it sink in. I hope I get to see your older threads and learn from it at some point. Nic, I suspect something similar. There is a reason he did not bother video calling and thinking about it makes me want to throw up. Jim, thanks, you are sweet, it made me smile but honestly I am as far from thinking of a R with someone new than i ever have been in my life.
Not because I dont think I am not worthy, heck I know I am a great catch, only the fool I married doesnt see that. But I feel R with a partner makes you so vulnerable, I know it is okay to be vulnerable but my walls are so up high right now I cannot survive a broken heart one more time. I need to make myself happy, I need to find happiness in my children, in my parents, in my activities and my career. I married the first person I fell in love with, my only physical partner in life. If someone I have been with since 19 can do this to me, anybody who I find from now will be capable of it. I need to get myself to a place where nobody dictates my happiness but me. I should be able to be happy even if I dont have a long term partner for the rest of my life. Only if I am happy and wholesome, my daughters will get a great mom, and they deserve the greatest mother ever. It is a lot of work, I am very very far from being happy but it is my path to take and make sure to get there.
Update - I did let WH take kids for a while on my day, but it was because I needed a few hours to get things in order and because D3 was really missing him. He failed to communicate the time again and we had a mini tiff texting the times, he started pushing for overnight and I lost it. I clearly told him he booked his personal trip knowing very well that it would eat into his time with the kids and what he is getting extra is bonus. Probably more messaging than I should have but I basically said take the times I am offering or nothing at all until it is his turn again, so he yielded. He also said he was visiting a friend without I asking him where he was. I am not an idiot, not anymore, to just think he was in the wilderness meditating. For all I care he can go to heck.
On a positive note, I watched a movie I havent in a long time. It actually has a lot of GAL, 180s and letting go in a simple way. For those of you who want some bollywood fun, watch Queen on Netflix, it is such a feel good.
