Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change

[mleigh4]

Hi Friends, it's been awhile!

I wanted to check in and update with the latest. It's only been 4 months since I have been here, but it feels like a year!

As far as H, we got the settlement agreement prepared and signed. It wasn't easy, typos had to be fixed before he signed, H felt it was drawn up by a child, but after I rewrote it and asked the paralegal to copy word for word, H signed it.

I finally filed for D about a month ago, with settlement agreement attached. For those of you who traveled this path with me, some from the very beginning, you know this wasn't easy. Hand shaking, tears welling, I did it.

H was served this last week. The server said he was calling him for a couple weeks with no reply, H says he never got the calls. After calling H out on it, he met up with the server. H followed up with the strangest text that night, to let me know he got the papers, followed by him having lunch with a co-worker, and that the server said he was the nicest person he ever served, and that he he had friends interested in being hired for HVAC that he was going to send H way. I wanted to reply, so glad the experience was so pleasant! Of course you were happy, it's not normally the person who decided on D being served!! But I continue to take the high road and just replied ok.

So that's where things are with STBX. Every once in a while, I still hear that questioning voice, was this the right thing to do? It feels right and I suppose just something I may never know, as far as what if I had continued to do nothing. All I know, after 5 years, that wasn't working for me. We only communicate in regards to S, no more than that. I am fine with that. I still think he has become strange, just not the person I knew. An old friend ran into H recently and told me she didn't even recognize him because he is so thin and older looking. He had a recent health scare with a virus and odd liver test results, but seems to be ok now.

Now, for the wonderful things in my life! S started middle school last week. He has been placed in the advanced classes with warnings of it being rough but worth the new challenges, and they are optional so that if it's too much he can be transferred out. The first few days were rough! 2 projects and 2 1/5 hours of homework every night! But as kids are transferring out, S is choosing to stick it out and is easing into the new routine. The teachers are promising this is the hardest part and it will get easier so he is holding onto that and giving it his all. I am so proud of him and his ability to work through it instead of giving up. I assured him I support him no matter what he decides. This weekend we have been working on a project together and I get the feeling he is actually enjoying this! He seems to like the school and, no joke, has his best friend in every class! He is growing and changing, but we maintain that closeness and trust. We are adjusting to the new drop off and pick up schedule, and thankfully my job is fully cooperating so I am able to do both. S is my world and knows it

Speaking of my job, I have been given 3 raises in the last year! That will cover the health benefits I need once I come off of H plan.

I joined the church I was going to for my divorce classes, and wow, church has changed since I went when I was younger! I really enjoy going and I swear, the services speak to me. The church is so casual, welcoming and friendly, I just love it. My D classes start back up next week which I plan on attending again. I also am going to a connection luncheon next month to meet other new members and the pastors. I so look forward to meeting new people and becoming more involved in my community.

As far as friends and personal life....I still struggle with feeling distant with people. I am super busy and don't have much free time, but when I do, I choose to either run errands or have me time. I have been pulling farther and farther away from friends, especially the closest. She is questioning it and I have been telling her I'm busy....but between you and me, I just can't connect with the girl. After numerous times of asking her not to ask me about H or dating, she constantly does. She is fun and bubbly, but other than that, she just doesn't get it.

That brings me to where I am now. My main focus is S and my own self care. I had a physical recently and checked out super healthy, which is great news. I do feel I have some mental health issues going on, possibly depression, which I talked to my Dr. about and will follow up with her on. I have a lot of ups and downs lately and in the past always knew how to snap myself out of, but the lows are more frequent and ability to feel happy is harder lately. I am hoping this is just a phase, possibly caused by the D becoming real? The only time I truly feel happy is when I am with S and my fur babies.

Speaking of fur babies....JOB you will love this. I was leaving a restaurant about a month ago and walking to my truck, heard this crying sound. There chasing me down the street was a kitten. My first thought was oh no, this is the last thing I need right now, another thing to add to my plate! I picked him up out of the street and put him back on the sidewalk hoping he would run to one of the houses. Nope. He chased me back to my truck. To make a long story short, I took him home and posted on community sites to find his home. I had him checked for a chip, no luck. S immediately fell in love with him and told me he isn't going anywhere, so I have a third fur baby. I figure this must be a joke from the man upstairs, I should have been clearer when I wished for a loving, cute and loyal male! Lol

Anyway, overall life is good, just in a weird and unknown place right now. My faith is helping and I am learning to hand the worries over, but it's hard sometimes. My life consists of work, school, pets and sleep, but that is pretty much my doing and choice. Being a hermit feels safe right now, but I have no doubts that things will brighten, just not sure how or when.

I hope the best for everyone here, I really should have no complaints because being free from the MLC is a blessing. I think maybe the 5 years of limbo and hoping took its toll on me. This too shall pass.

Xxoo
M