Gordie 21 going with my gut

[ovrrnbw]

I need to get tested too. Being lazy is easy.

Glad to hear you're resolving the resentment internally. That's something I need to remember as well.

Expressing things in a negative way has yet to help me.

[bttrfly]

Ugh - the STD test. I made the appointment with the doctor very quickly after BD. I sobbed through the blood draw for my HIV test. Everything came back negative. My hopes and prayers are that your results are also negative. You need to do this to take care of yourself and your children. Stark reality there, Gordie. Nice job on the date xoxoxo

[Gordie]

Enjoying these last days of summer

Taking kids to college

Getting other kids ready for school

Lots of time together with w and kids

And the awkwardness is gone

I was reading blue wave

And realizing that reconciliation is messy

And not what I pictured so

I feel like I have turned my own corner

That maybe I really have saved my m

I have been reluctant to say that to myself

Due to the fear that this could all fall apart again

But something in my gut says that it is time to put away that fear

We never had the talk I was waiting for

But realizing maybe that is because of me not her

She has said things like

I could never give myself fully to OM because I realized I still loved you

And it is I who could not continue that conversation

I think she is loving me in the best way she knows how right now

And I think she is willing to sleep together again

Based on what she has said and how she looks at me and touches me

But it is I who I had not been ready for that yet

She has let her guard down more than me

So it is now I who have more decisions to make

About how this unfolds and at what pace

I still feel the need to take this slowly

One day at a time

[ovrrnbw]

Gordie,

I still have some regrets from my relationship with my WW and one prior relationship where issues led to pain for me.

Are you dealing with these issues, your fear of being vulnerable? Being vulnerable is being intimate, and that why affairs are so horrible. The true intimacy is in jeopardy.

I ask if you're dealing with them bc for me, I never dealt with them. I ignored and evaded my pain and it affe ted my MR negatively.

Listen to me, a rookie, offering one of the vets advice...haha.

I hope you get to that point of comfort and intimacy.

[AndrewP]

Gordie - There is a very dear friend of mine who happens to be Muslim who taught me an important phrase that I use a fair bit.

in sha Allah

He and I have different interpretations of this because he, while he jokes that he is destined for hell for his sins some of which I know of, he is rather devout. I myself am agnostic. I neither believe in, nor dis-believe in God. I do have a lot of respect for and a certain amount of jealousy of those like you who are people of Faith.

His interpretation is that God has a plan for us and that sometimes we are too stupid to see it and follow it.

My interpretation and why I keep using the phrase is that I believe that things happen to us from outside forces that we have no control over and that it is up to us to accept that.

For me it means that sometimes we just need to take chances accepting the outcome whatever it may be. Like jumping off the dock into water of unknown temperature and uncertain depth. We gasp when first we are plunged but then we deal with it.

And yes, I deal far too much in metaphors.

in sha Allah

#TeamGordie

[Gordie]

Over

Thanks I do not consider myself a vet but maybe to others I am

You are right to ask if I have faced my issues

I ask myself the same question

And I answer in the affirmative

I feel like many others I find myself 2 years after b d

A better version of myself

I do not wish this on anyone

But yes it did not kill me but made me stronger

I am much more aware of my shortcomings

And have sought to better myself

I am more aware of my feelings

Both the good and the bad

And the fear

I have dealt with these within myself

And with friends

And professional help

I have no desire to return to the old m

And even if I wanted to it would be impossible

Neither she nor I are the same

And never will be

I do not want to declare mission accomplished

Because saving my m

Seems like an open ended process

One that could turn sour In the future

But that was the case before

But I just did not realize it

[Gordie]

Andrew

Thank you for being a faithful supporter for so long

I agree with both interpretations you presented

Both that God has intentions beyond our understanding

And that there are forces beyond our control

And so much of life is what we make of it

We all come here because we want to save our m

And want support and guidance in that endeavor

And eventually discover we can only control ourselves

And forge our own glorious path

And the spouse will choose his or her path

Which may or may not intersect again with ours

[DnJ]

Hello Gordie

I think you are doing awesome.

I see you hesitantly going forward trying to ensure solid footing. Wise to see how things unfold and at what pace.

However, sometimes a leap of faith is required. I believe a leap is a prerequisite for progress and growth, you reach a point where it has to happen. You’ll know when.

As I said - doing awesome.

[Gordie]

DNJ

Thanks

So something I have learned these past two years

Thanks to many

Including Mach1 and Roist and Cali

Is that a lot of my actions are driven by fear

Which is not a great way to live

So here I am at this new LBS phase

Maybe I am afraid of getting hurt again

Maybe I am afraid I cannot trust my instincts

Maybe I am afraid she will change her mind

Maybe I am afraid that we will never fully reconcile

Maybe I am afraid to truly forgive

And let down my guard

Need to figure out my fear and face it

Address what the heck is holding me back

Trusting in God

Almost 2 years since b d

What a long strange trip it has been

[OneArt]

Maybe you are spending too much time comparing the new relationship to the old one, instead of guiding the new one where you would like to take it.