Had MC (solo). Was told to surrender and let W come to me when she's ready. Likened the situation as someone who is trying to approach an angry dog. Slowly the dog will begin to build trust and open up.
W called during my session. Told her where I was (Therapy) and she asked if it was a good session. I said "yes. Out of the years I've been going to therapy, it's the first time I have actually used a notebook." She asked if I should continue to see NGS counselor. I said "Yes. Some issues need to be addressed separately." Met W for 30 seconds, she dropped off D4 and D4 and I went shopping for W's coat (trade for a different color). W asked me if I was planning on going to store tomorrow and I said "Yes!" No further communication from me for the rest of the day. Traded for new coat and drove back home. I got two more texts: "When?" (No response from me). "She go down ok? (No response from me)". Next morning (today) I got a text saying that her alarm didn't go off and she was on her way back (No response from me). I woke up and got ready for my workday. W came home 10 minutes early and I immediately got into my car and got ready to go. She asked me what's the rush. I said I needed to go in early (which I kind of did. I'm...still mad at her but not showing it). She said that was weird and asked me what was wrong. I said, happily, "Nothing! I just need to go in early to get some work done." She basically whatevered into the house and I took off.
Exchanged texts about her coat (she's happy), plans for her to go to yoga Monday so I'll need to babysit D4 (told her that's fine but I lift Monday so I have a time set), and she told me she made me and D4 dinner. (No response)
I'm feeling...really sad today. Maybe it's the clouds, maybe it's exhaustion. Maybe it's the loss of hope and feeling that I will never get an opportunity at love again. Hope it stops soon.
Goal is to continue to DB and not topple progress over to end of August.
