Welcome Harvey. And sorry you are hear, but this forum is full of wonderful, caring folks that have been through the battles of this stuff already (some of us more than once!) and can give you interesting perspectives to consider.
This jumped out at me
Quote
My situation is unique in that W is in the other state
First we all think our sitches are so uniquely unique that we shouldn't DB. YOu need to get over that. All WASs are in another "state" mentally. Physical proximity doesn't matter. In fact, being separated physically can actually be a huge advantage! Especially in helping to detach.
You said "she won't see my changes". So? We are constantly telling newcomers here that DBing is for YOU, not her benefit. If you do it just to manipulate her you will be terrible at it and it won't work.
So detach....FOR YOU. GAL.....FOR YOU. 180 on bad behaviors....FOR YOU! Your W will either come around to wanting to work on things.....or she won't. But you will ok no matter what she decides. And trust me, they still take notice. Whether it is the phone communications, text communications, how interact with the kids (even long distance), and through email, if you are instituting the DB changes she will eventually take notice. But you have to do it for you no matter whether she ever notices or not.
Now make sure you do all of the reading cadet sent. Great stuff in that first post.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
