I have a similar story to most here. W and I been together for 17 years, married 15 years, and have two daughters (8,12). We have had a lot of external stress this year. I knew things weren't great, but I chalked it up to that stress.
We were in the process of relocating to a different state. We had a hard time finding and getting approval on the right lot in the other state. Then, we have had our house on the market for 6 months without a single offer.
W decided that it would be good idea for them to move to the other state before the school year started. I didn't necessarily love the idea, but I agreed for the girls. They moved 7/15 (the other state is down south, so the school year starts early). I stayed behind to take care of the house we were selling.
On 8/10 my wife told me that she had been thinking about it for awhile, but realized after she had been away that she didn't miss me and didn't love me anymore. On Monday she started talking about steps for a divorce. My birthday was Wednesday, and I spent part of the day doing divorce planning. Great birthday for me.
My situation is unique in that W is in the other state, and I have no way of showing her my changes. I actually started making changes before her call on 8/10. I had started dieting and exercising again. I have lost 17 pounds since 7/15, so I'm probably in the best shape I've been in since before our first child was born. I quit chewing tobacco (which she always hated) on 8/1. That resulted in me getting to better early and getting proper rest, since nicotine is an adrenaline stem and made me a night owl.
Like most, I missed the signs that the marriage was in dire shape. I don't see any signs of EA. I do have great trust in my wife in that regard. Plus, she know wants to move back to where we live now, so it's hard for me to believe she found somebody in the other state. Like most, I also have great regrets. If I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently. I became complacent, and I should have tried harder to do the little things to keep our connection. I've also built up a healthy dose of bitterness. I don't understand how she could do this without even being interested in reconcilation/counseling.
We're in a difficult situation because now I have to pay back all of the money that my company paid for the relocation (after depleting our savings on builder cost), and we have to complete the house in the other state and hope we can sell it right away or face double mortgages that we would be hard to afford. Plus, the girls love living in the other state, and she wants to keep the girls down there through the school year. I'm not really sure what to do or say about that.
I understand the concept of getting a life and detaching. It makes for an easier transition, but I wonder if it's good at all to hang on to hope. It seems WAW are the hardest to turn around, and as I read the threads, I don't see a lot of success stories.
